Two Characters Walk Into A Bar
Directed by Jess Thomas
With Randy Russell & Jaime Lee Currier
Lights up on ROSALINE sitting at a bar. She solemnly sips on some whiskey. DONALBAIN walks up with a drink in his hand.
DONALBAIN
Mind if I sit next to you?
ROSALINE
Go ahead.
DONALBAIN
You don't look like you're from around here.
ROSALINE
I'm not. Had to get away for a while. Home is too... dramatic right now.
DONALBAIN
I feel that.
ROSALINE
You from around here?
DONALBAIN
No, Scotland. I was getting away from some drama as well.
ROSALINE
Psh. Can't have been as bad as mine.
DONALBAIN
Oh yeah? My dad was murdered, my brother and I fled, a Tyrant took over and started killing people
all over the place. Then my brother went back, fought a war and now he's king.
ROSALINE
Damn.
DONALBAIN
Yeah. You?
ROSALINE
Well my ex-boyfriend fell in love with a girl, married her secretly, his best friend died on accident, then
he killed her cousin, was banished, found out she was dead, killed himself, she wasn't dead, so then she killed herself.
Takes shot
DONALBAIN
Shit.
ROSALINE
Yup.
DONALBAIN
Tragedies suck.
ROSALINE
At least you had some lines.
DONALBAIN
Like 4.
ROSALINE
Still, you're at least on stage.
DONALBAIN
Fair.
ROSALINE
You know what we need, a comedy!
DONALBAIN
What?
ROSALINE
I'm over this tragedy shit, I'm done with Verona, I'm going somewhere else, somewhere fun.
DONALBAIN
Where?
ROSALINE I think I'll go to France. I have a cousin there, we've always gotten along really well. It'll be great! No
more tragedy for me!
DONALBAIN
What'll you do?
ROSALINE
Probably just hang out with my cousin. I mean it's not like I'm gonna get banished, and then my cousin
and I will have to flee to the woods or anything like that. Although I do think I could pull off a suit.
DONALBAIN
I think you could rock the dapper look.
ROSALINE
Thank you. How about you?
DONALBAIN Oh I dunno. I guess instead of going back to Scotland I could change my name and move somewhere
else.
ROSALINE
That's the spirit. Just don't move to Denmark.
DONALBAIN
Why?
ROSALINE Just trust me on this one. I've got a friend who lives there, she's probably dead by now.
DONALBAIN
Harsh. Okay, no Denmark. As for a name, how about Petruchio?
ROSALINE
No, I don't think so.
DONALBAIN
Claudio?
ROSALINE
That's not bad.
DONALBAIN
Lysander!
ROSALINE
I like it! Good name.
DONALBAIN
Now I just need to find a girl to love. Comedies are full of romance. And no more magic, I got enough
of that from the witches. I mean what magic is there gonna be in Athens, Fairies?
ROSALINE
Ha ha, yeah right.
DONALBAIN
Are you going to change your name?
ROSALINE Maybe just the last letter. I'm kinda over offstage Rosaline, but watch out world Rosalind is here and
she's got something to say!
DONALBAIN
Rosalind, that's got a nice ring to it.
ROSALINE
Thanks.
She raises her glass
To Comedy
DONALBAIN
He raises his glass
To Love
ROSALINE
“Your heart's desires be with you.”
DONALBAIN
“The course of true love never did run smooth”
That's not a very good toast.
DONALBAIN
Don't look at me, Billy wrote it.
Did he really write that?
DONALBAIN
Yeah, it's my line.
If you say so. Cheers!
DONALBAIN
Cheers!
They drink.